what's unknown to me, for sure, is blogging. i've not a moment for it either, i'm in the process of finalizing tonight the edit of a book i've come to care about very much. but i'm in this mode lately, of getting going on things at a nearly alarming rate. i don't even know towards what i'm working, towards what end -- that's a huge unknown, what the aspirations are really about for me. they seem to be pretty esoteric.

and they always were, esoteric. my hugest young ambitions were always to be a good person, to be kind, to bring joy, to maintain a moral compass i could be proud of. despite capitalist cultural encouragement, i've never defined my life's role in a career silo. that all seemed so false to me. i suppose i'm a bit primal, though not in the way people think of it; i'm not a wild animal screaming in the night. but i run my life from the core, and it's resulted in a life that's felt ever more accurately pathed in forward movement. sure, i'd be strolling through it all with a bit more ease had i a phd or law degree tucked into my arsenal of point schematics. but it was never my path, to apply myself to those cultural definitions, to be a tool of industry.

it sounds funny to say, because i work in industry. i work for a big company. i'm a little gear in the chain like anyone else. but the continuity of spiritual voice that i've not let be interrupted by cultural directives has served me well.

still, these esoteric, heart-driven ambitions have changed within me. i'm evolving. and one always is, evolving, at some rate or another (or, stagnating and dying a little bit inside, alternately), but there has been a difference. in me. i'm striving for more, more that i cannot name, and in more ways than i know the reason for. how they will fit together. what i will do with it all. i'll find out soon enough. till then, the striving, with purpose and faith. that will do.